I Hate Cancer

I'm not really sure what to say about this. I don't know how to write about what has happened and has been discovered in my family in the last few weeks. I thought about just not saying anything, but that seems dishonest, and it seems unfair to myself. This is a place where I can write what I think and what I feel, and to not say anything just wouldn't seem right.

Cancer is a scary beast, but it's one that for a long time hasn't been a part of my life. It hasn't affected my family or friends very much recently. When I think of cancer, I have always have thought of my grandpa. He died of lung cancer. But I was in middle school then. It's been a while, and though I still miss him very much, it feels like a long time ago.

But it's back. That stupid jerk who I wish would never come around again.

My mom has brain cancer.

Doctors found a tumor, and then removed it, but now she has to do radiation and chemotherapy. The next few months are going to be hard. For her - she has to endure the treatment, which is going to make her feel sick and will be hard on her body. For my dad - who has to be strong and help her, all while working to support the family. For my brother and sister - they're with my parents, taking each step as it comes and being supportive. Helping out when they're able to.

I'm not there. That's one of the hardest parts of all of this for me. I wish I were there with my mom and the rest of my family. I want to be able to help take her to doctor's appointments, do the dishes, weed flowerbeds if I need to. I want to help.

But I'm here in the desert; I'm waiting, praying, trusting that God has a plan in all of this; that cancer isn't going to ruin everything.

I shared back in March that one of my favorite verses is Jeremiah 29:11 - "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future.'"  I know that His plans are for good.

In the midst of the waiting, the praying and the trusting in Him, I know that God has a good plan for His glory in all of this. And I know that I worship the God of miracles, who is infinitely more powerful than I can imagine. I know this. I know that my God, who created this world, is more powerful than that stupid cancer that I dislike so strongly.

And that gives me hope and peace as I wait to see what He does.

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